What I've Been Doing Wrong...

There's this circular system of growth when it comes to being a disciple of Christ. There are two primary aspects to Christianity: Action, and Heart.

Action is what you do. Action is paying your tithing, going to church, being nice to your neighbor and reading your bible. It's all of the doing, the following of the rules. It's obedience, sexual purity, the expression of love. It's all about you, your choices, and how you behave.

The Heart isn't that at all. The heart is our motives, our feelings, our thoughts. It's our inner selves. It's the part that truly loves, that truly believes, and it's the part of us that God wants the most.

Now, when I first started following Christ, I started the way everyone else did - changing my behavior. I learned the rules God gave us (I read Proverbs and Corinthians like 8 times through). I learned to obey. But after a while... I realized I was missing something.

When they talk about the Pharisees in the New Testament, they're following the rules. They obeyed every law of Moses. Yet Christ called them hypocrites, fakes... and I realized I was just like the Pharisees.

I followed the law. But I didn't feel anything. I acted loving to my neighbors, but I felt no love. I worshiped God because I was supposed to, not because of an overwhelming need to. I had all the action right.

I had none of the Heart.

Now, there is NOTHING wrong with action. Proper action is where it all starts. If we love God, we keep his commandments. If we follow Christ, we walk as he walked. There's a passage in John 15:9-11. It says that if we keep Christ's commandments, we abide in his love.

But the problem I ran into was what do I do once I got there? I'd gotten so focused on making myself a better disciple, on doing this myself... that I'd actually left God out of the equation. I became self-centered in my pursuit of perfect Christian behavior.

I needed to return my focus to God. To let Him change me. To let Christ remake me. I needed some remodeling done on my Heart, and I couldn't do it.

So that's what I'm working on now... on not doing it. On letting go of my self-improvement, and just focusing on God and letting him do his thing.

What does focusing on God mean?

It means prayer, meditation, praise and honest thanksgiving. It means in every moment of every day thinking about who He is, what He's done, and what He wants from us. It means being still, silencing yourself, and listening to him. It means practicing spiritual disciplines. It means letting go. It means stop thinking about you, about what you can be doing differently... and just giving all of your attention to Christ.

Moving away from the action is hard. And it doesn't mean you stop going to Church, stop serving others. It just means the focus needs to move from what you're doing, to what God is doing. He'll take care of remaking your Heart into one that's loving and Christian.

You just need to let him.

Duty

"...But I refuse
'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care
I don't want to say another empty prayer
Oh, I refuse

To sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse..."

-I Refuse, Josh Wilson

It's impossible for me to really look at my life, to look at my friends lives, to look at this world and not see everything that's wrong with it. It's obvious. Children starving, dying. Countries without access to clean water. Rape. Child abuse. War. Disease. Famine. Mass extinction. Global warming. Natural disasters. Poverty. Opression. Torture. Medical experimentation.

The list goes on and on. And I find myself making a conscious effort every day to ignore it. To ignore all that's going on around me. If I don't ignore it, I'll drive myself nuts. Because my life is only making things worse. I'm not doing anything to help and the guilt is overwhelming. I could just continue to ignore it, carry on with my selfish life, but... I don't want to.

I want to leave the world a better place than when I came into it. I want my family to live in a better world. I don't want my friends to go through so much suffering. I don't want to hear the stories on the news every night.

I want a better world.

And more and more every day God's showing me that it is my duty, to Him, to my neighbor and to myself to do something to make it a better place.

Saying prayers is stupid when I have the power to change things. Yes, pray. But then when you're done go and do something, too. We are the body of Christ. Which means he acts through us. He could fix the whole world with a snap of His fingers if He wanted to. But he has called us to do it.

"Love your neighbor", "take pity on the poor", "sell all your belongings", "deny yourself and Follow me", "walk as He walked".... The scriptures are full of these callings.

And I'm done sitting around and not doing anything.

• I'm donating my birthday to charity water
• I'm volunteering at a local food bank
• I'm going to help at House to House (a bible study group through my church)
• I'm going to help my Church
• I'm going to live as simply as possible (AKA minimalism)
• I'm going to donate every penny I cannot live without
• I'm going to love and serve the people in my life to the best of my ability
• I'm not going to be shy talking about my amazing God anymore
• I'm going to talk about God, to my friends and family and their friends and family and everyone I can (loving someone is giving them eternal life, not letting them die), and bring as many of them to Church each Sunday I can
• I'm going to live with a greater respect for the environment (less processed foods, less waste, etc.)
• I'm going to spend as much of my time serving God as possible, because all of my life should revolve around Him, not just Sunday mornings

I'm done tiptoeing around propriety. I'm done being shy or scared to voice the Truth. I'm done lazing around and wasting my life. I'm done not doing what I know with all of my heart I was sent here to do - serve others.

I refuse to be the same. God's changed me and I need to show that. I need to let his light shine out.

I hope you'll do the same. Together, we can knock this world onto its knees before God, we can save so many lives. We can make big changes. We are the body of Christ and when we work alone we can accomplish big things. But when we work together we can accomplish amazing things.

If you would like to know more about Christ, feel free to email me at fred_the_goldfish@yahoo.com or comment on this post.

The Project:
Changing the World: Part One

Struggle as an Opportunity

Today I'm going camping for about 4 days. I'll be going with my best friend, some of her other friends, and her family... and two of my ex boyfriends will be there too. Two ex boyfriends that left a very big scar in my heart.

Now, a year ago I would be crying and refusing to go. I would be terrified. Then I'd go anyways, and I'd spend the entire time complaining, being bitchy, and getting in fights.

But not this time. Why? Because my super-awesome-all-knowing mother pointed something out to me.

That this isn't to torture me. This is an opportunity God has given me to become a better person. It isn't a test, it isn't for fun, but it's a training session. A training in patience, trust, faith, love, compassion, and my ability to turn the other cheek, move on, and be the bigger person.

So for this trip, instead of being stressed about how bad it's going to be, I'm going to say lots of prayers. I'm going to take deep breaths. I'm not going to raise my voice.

And I'm going to be so nice and sweet it's going to give me a toothache.

Now, traditional American values dictate fighting back, defending yourself, taking revenge (an eye for an eye), getting even, and that if you don't fight back you're admitting that you lost, and that you're wrong.

I'm going to try and change that this weekend. I'm going to try and say that no, not fighting back isn't admitting defeat. It's saying that it's not worth fighting about and that it doesn't matter whether or not the other person it agrees with you.

Because you know what? For the most part, it doesn't matter. It's not worth it. And the whole world doesn't need to agree with you.

So turn the other cheek. Be nice even when you don't want to. Don't fight back. And watch how suddenly your entire life becomes very, very peaceful.

What do you say? You gonna give it a try?